I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
whose parrot is this?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize