brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
