R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Randomize
