he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize