nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize