When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
