first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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