You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
