porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
