Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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