You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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