The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
