he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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