i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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