John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
