every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
