my phone needs a breathalizer
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
