why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
