I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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