Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
