Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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