If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
