Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
