Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
