Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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