I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
