dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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