In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
