rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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