I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
