I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
