every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize