Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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