Hey man sorry I got all grabby
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
