its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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