those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
