I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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