1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
