I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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