that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
