White coat. Heels.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
