SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
