I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
