so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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