If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
