yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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