man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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