im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
