Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
