I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
