Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
