The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
