i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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