I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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