sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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