I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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