I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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