Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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