I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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