So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
