Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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