I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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