Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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