apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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