census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
