I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
