Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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