after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
