im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
