I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
