I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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