Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
